Residency Files #2 - Hot and Cold

I realize that in my more than 16 years (!!!) of blogging, an estimated 90% of my motivation to write comes from procrastinating another piece of work. Today, a Saturday, I woke up feeling extra anxious over having to accomplish two reports due Monday morning, plus having to clean up the condo and get a bunch of other domestic tasks done, but my brain really just said no no no we absolutely must prioritize the most important task of all: updating our blog. After all, we cannot keep our dear readers waiting another moment longer!

Oral Exam

The past 5 months of residency so far have felt like they were all building up to one moment: our first oral exam. For Psychiatry residents, the oral exam means interviewing and diagnosing a real patient in front of a panel of consultants, and it happens twice a year, the first in May and the second in October. If you get a high enough score from three consultants, you can be exempted from having to take the second exam. It's such a huge event that for the whole month of May, the Department doesn't allow us to have lectures or didactics to give way for exam preparations.

My residency batch - we call ourselves the Haloperidolls after the antipsychotic drug Haloperidol - is generally a very anxious bunch of people. With the support of our consultants and senior residents, we would arrange practices for each other, work on a shared reviewer, and share tips about how to pass. For a long while, it was all we would talk about, and whenever we were together in the callroom (which was a lot), there was a palpable anxiety that grew more and more intense in the days leading up to our exam. 

All the pressure, plus the unbearable summer heat, really took a toll on my skin. I got a bunch of new pimples on my face, which made me stress more, which made me break out more, which made me stress more, which made me break out more.

But then the oral exams came and went, and even though I got a difficult patient, I passed. I was genuinely so surprised that I literally cried tears of relief (and then embarrassment) in front of my panel. Three of the Dolls also got exempted, which is amazing.  

After the dreaded exams were over, the atmosphere in the callroom felt a bit different, almost like a fever broke. There were days when, in between patients, we just played board games, colored in our coloring books, or watched series. I even celebrated my birthday in the callroom, seen in the photo below, in the company of Dolls and the other senior residents whom I have come to see as an extension of my own family. When people would ask me how residency was going, I would say, surprisingly chill. 

There were way better photos than this, but I chose this one to show you how chaotic everyday life is in the callroom. Taken by Benet.

Taken right after the oral exams, having just cried in front of my panel lol. 

Donuts from our chief residents as a sweet treat for finishing our first written exams.

One day, the electricity had to be cut off because of a nearby fire (PGH canon event?). Photo of Mica and Emman, taken by Anton.

Another day, I spent a morning admiring the postcards Sari received from her many international friends.

As a reward too for finishing the oral exams, Sari surprised each of us with our own Squishmallow thingy. I got a cute little lion thing that reminds me of Nawa, my golden retriever. 

I even got to attend the Stardew Valley Festival of Seasons concert, my birthday gift for myself.
Rap came along too even though he doesn't play the game.

Repressurizing

I remember thinking to myself as I was leaving the hospital one hot afternoon, probably after spending most of it just chatting or coloring: wow, these are really nice times with my really nice batchmates. Things probably won't ever be like this ever again. 

I just know things are going to get more and more difficult from here on out. More patients, more responsibilities. Soon, we will be seniors ourselves with our own juniors to think about, to guide, and to support. Things are good now but I know that we're due for more moments of frustration, anger, sadness, and yes, burnout. So I will always be grateful for these past few weeks of fun and chill - they've given me something to hold on to when the heat rises once more.

Now that it's June, we're back to our normal programming with didactics, reports, and lectures. It kind of feels like going back to work after a vacation, even though no vacation was had. 

Like I said earlier, I have two reports due on Monday, so I really should be getting started on them, and I'll get to them in just a second. Oh wait, I really should clean my room first, then brush my dog, then check my cat's vet records, then do some groceries, and while I'm there, I could go browse for some new makeup, maybe go check out the new milk tea store I've been meaning to try, and oh, I gotta get a homecoming present for Rap, he's coming from Africa, he's arriving tomorrow... Sorry, I guess those reports will just have to wait.