Giant monsters and giant robots. We get it already.

I just got back from Eastwood with Rap where, obviously, we watched Pacific Rim. Rap has been excited about this movie ever since he first heard of it because 1.) it has giant robots 2.) it has giant monsters and 3.) it has Charlie Day. And for me, my first thoughts after seeing the trailer were 1.) that it was just another robot movie 2.) that it was just another monster movie and 3.) that Rap would want to see it.

Okay, I'm really tired from a day of Physiology so I'm just gonna cut to the chase. If you haven't seen the movie yet, proceed with caution because I'll be posting spoilers.

Oh wait, there can't be any spoilers because the plot is predictable as hell. But more on that later.

THE GOOD:

1. It's directed by Guillermo del Toro of Pan's Labyrinth fame. By this fact alone, it follows that...
2. The visuals are amazing. Everything looked real, and the little details that were put into the movie were perfect. The robots aren't shiny and new; they're old and scratched up from years of cumulative damage. The texture of the monsters' skins (skins? outer surfaces? exoskeletons?) looked so slimy and gross that I felt like I needed a bath after looking at one. 
3. Mako Mori is a pretty cool female character. (Come to think of it, she's the only female character, aside from that Russian chick.)
4. Charlie Day is wonderful! He does a great job bringing Dr. Geiszler to life. He's funny, charming, and... Okay he's quite attractive. That I enjoy his character so much comes as a surprise to me, since my previous impression of him from Always Sunny in Philadelphia is that he sucks (mainly because his character, Charlie Kelly, is so freaking annoying). But because of his role in this movie, I consider myself a step closer to being a fan (emphasis on the "a step closer"). 
5. The sheer size of the creatures in this movie constitues a big portion of Pacific Rim's entertainment value. These things are really. really big. And it's really fun watching how people react when their city is under attack (more on this later as well.)
6. The movie injects a little quirky humor here and there. It's pretty nice.
7. There's a happy ending. I think.

THE BAD:

Oh good Lord where do I begin. Perhaps I should start by saying that I'm not a big fan of robot/monster movies. I can appreciate the occasional fantasy film, but robots just aren't my thing. I prefer movies with more heart in them, like Chico Y Rita (which made me cry). I also have a soft spot for Ang Nawawala for many reasons, one of them being its closeness to home. Having gotten that out of the way, I must now say that:

1. Pacific Rim is junk food. It's eye candy. Its beautiful visuals try to compensate for a lack of a good plot. This is not a movie that will change your life. It will not make you smarter, more compassionate, or more loving. But I guess it will make you more appreciative of the fact that we don't live in a world with giant monsters smashing up the whole city all the live long day. So there's that.
2. The plot, like I said, is nothing new: Monsters attack world. World retaliates with robots. Conflict ensues. Robots win in the end. It sounds like something a kid wrote!
3. My problem isn't with the giant monsters existing in the first place. I'm also okay with the fact that we fought them with giant robots. But really, why did the robots have to look human? Isn't there a better defense strategy than just building the "ultimate war machine"? Gigantic humanoid robots are so slow and clunky. It takes so much energy to send it out to the battlefield, plus it requires not just one but two pilots. Wouldn't it have been more effective if instead of creating a giant robot containing all sorts of special attacks, we had allocated these various functions to smaller units? The single high-blast cannon found in a single robot could have been several, equally high-powered structures lining the coasts of monster-prone cities. (Think photon cannons from Starcraft.) Instead of a gigantic robot wielding a sword, why not use missiles or bombs on the horrible monstrosities? I'm just naming examples of the top of my head. 
4. WHY DID THE ROBOTS COME WITH SWORDS!? AND WOLVERINE CLAWS TOO!?
5. A neural link between the two pilots of the robot has to be set up so that their movements are synchronised, so that the pilots move in perfect unison. So this would mean that as one person lifts his arm, so does the other person in exactly the same way as the first, at exactly the same time. This is supposed to happen automatically, without even thinking. So why the hell is Raleigh barking orders at Mako all the time? Mako, the arm! Mako, the cannon! Mako, the adrenal medulla!
6. Speaking of barking orders, why did the pilots have to announce each and every attack that they were using? "Let's use the sword!" "Deploy the elbow rockets!" Just now my roommate Jean told me (that her boyfriend told her) that this is a homage to the usual Japanese style of (I don't know) fighting robots. 
7. When a gigantic monster is only a few feet behind you, stomping on a skyscraper, you probably won't think about anything other than to GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. So how come in the middle of the film, when a monster attacked Hong Kong, everyone still seemed to have enough composure to run while holding up their umbrellas? Never mind that everything they knew and loved was going to come to an end by this terrible, terrible creature - they just had the inexplicable compulsion to stay dry! And it's not just the umbrella-holding that was out of place. The civilians were all running with their luggages in tow. When you're being digested alive by the monster's gastric juices along with the rest of the city, you are gonna wish you had just packed lighter.
8. Mako and that Russian chick are the only female characters in the movie. Basically it's just Mako, since Russian girl doesn't play much of a role other than monster bait. Isn't that just weird? 

I can't think of any more nits I'd like to pick about this movie. I'm sure there's a gajillion more still creeping around in the back of my mind, but right now I'm too sleepy to persist. So here you go, a half-baked review of an overlyhyped movie. 

As far as robot/monster movies go, this is definitely a 10/10. It's very... roboty. And very... monstery. 

As far as actual movies go, it's an 8.5/10. I know I've said a lot of bad things about it, but it all boils down to whether or not you had fun. And hey, despite all the plot holes, flat characters, and awkward robot attacks, it was still a riot to watch.