wanting to do one thing but then chickening out and doing another thing

I'm back! Now, where did I leave off? Oh yeah.

Wednesday
      I stayed up until 4 AM, thanks to the annoying errors in Adobe Premiere that kept popping up whenever I tried to export the file as a .avi. If there's one thing I learned from my previous experience editing videos, it's that if something can go wrong, it WILL go wrong. (And in hindsight, everything I had expected to fail did actually fail.)

      So I spent the day with that fuzzy feeling you get in your brain whenever you lack sleep. I don't remember much of what happened that day, but I do recall myself extolling God when our chemistry teacher said that the quiz he had planned to give us that day would be moved to next Wednesday. PERFECTO. I guess Murphy's Law doesn't apply to everything after all.

     When I got back to the dorm, I got a text from Deo congratulating me on getting the part of a donya in our Lit 14 play. I fussed because I'm a really terrible actress, and out of all the tried-and-tested actresses in our Lit class, why did I get a part? But I was too tired to put up a fight, so I just told Deo, "Thanks!"

Thursday

    
     I woke up early to get started on my pre-lab report (we have to do one every Thursday), which was due in two hours.

     Later, in Chem lab, I told Deo, "Thanks for casting me, but I must warn you: I have zero acting skillz." He told me he was just as doubtful about his own acting skillz as I was about mine. I sighed and thought about the last major acting role I had: it was back when I had awful bangs and choppy short hair, and I played Dora the Explorer for a weird Physics assignment. *ripple effect back to the present* Maybe this time around it'll be different. Acting? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
 
     On that same day, the Health Sciences Society held a blood donation drive for the benefit of Philippine General Hospital (PGH). Blood donation drives, if it isn't obvious already, are events where people volunteer to have litres of their own blood sucked out of their vessels and poured into translucent bags, to be kept frozen in blood banks where they await needing by hospitals or by sick patients.

      As much as I wanted to help the PGH patients, I didn't give blood, because I'm more wussy than I am compassionate. I hate injections, I don't like the sight of blood, and I hate seeing people in pain. What a swell doctor I'd make, eh?

      I know I'm going to have to get over my squeamishness if I'm ever going to become a (certified) doctor. But, what's the rush? I'm at that stage in my pre-medical education where I'm not being forced to dissect cadavers or to vaccinate babies. So I'll cross that bridge when I get there. As of now, I shall stick to peeking out from behind a blockmate, watching as the life force of another blockmate wooshes through rubber tubing and into a translucent bag.

     The good thing is that there were A LOT of people who didn't wuss out like I did. I'd estimate more than fifty people gave blood! My utmost respect and admiration goes out to everyone who stood in the long line on that very warm day and endured the pain of having their veins pierced. I'm sure the future recepients of your blood feel the same way as well. I wish I were as brave as you guys.



Friday 

    Mika and Ali handed out the copies of the script for our Lit play on Friday. Nearly forty pages of Nick Joaquin lines. I said a silent prayer for the actors (Deo, Alessi, Jessica), who had huge to memorize huge chunks of text. After flipping through all the pages to see what lines I had to internalize, I found my name repeated only twice in the entire script, and at the very last page, at that.

   As it turns out, I have only two lines. Those are, "Look the procession!" and "And me!"

   So it looks like I get to act and still not have to act a lot. It looks like
 

.

  
    That afternoon we had this thing called an INTACT Culminating Activity. In case you don't know, INTACT stands for Introduction to Ateneo Culture, and it's basically like homeroom class for freshmen. The point of the Culminating Activity was basically to tell us freshmen, "It's been nine months since the OrSem, and we're sure that by now you know all about Ateneo Culture. And so, with this activity full of music and dancing and runway models, we formally conclude your introduction."

   If you ask me, the whole thing was pretty unnecessary. It was designed to be like the OrSem, in which the entire freshman batch gathers in the Covered Courts to watch performances and the like. That's how it sort of felt too, sitting on those monobloc chairs with Block XX. The major difference being, of course, that we weren't strangers to each other this time around.

   And it's beautiful, really, (and a bit scary) how people can just come into your life and turn your world upside-down.

. . .

   I'm sorry. The Crazy Lady Outside the Dorm is being especially loud and angry tonight. She's been yelling for hours, and it's really throwing me off. LADY, WRITING IS HARD ENOUGH WITHOUT YOU SCREAMING AT NOBODY IN PARTICULAR WHILST OUTSIDE THE DORM.
. . .

Saturday 


   . . . You know what, I've really lost all urge to write. Maybe tomorrow.