Nasipit Update

These days, I've been so restless. 

I woke up one night at 2 AM to two shadowy figures shining a flashlight into my apartment window. I was frozen, confused, disoriented, unsure whether I was still dreaming. As my brain powered on, I realized the shadows were indeed descending the back wall of my apartment, coming towards me, and that this was, in fact, real life. 

I didn't know what to do. Ignore them? Call the cops? Make a sound? Turn on the lights? Bar the doors? What if they have a gun and decide to kill me? I should warn the other people in the apartment. 

My body felt like a rock. After what felt like hours of being frozen, I managed to command myself to unfreeze, hide under the blanket, and reach for my phone. 

Is anyone awake? My fingers felt heavy as lead as I pulled up the apartment group chat. 

Two strangers on the back wall of my apartment. Lock your doors. Be alert 

Peeping out from other the blanket, the intruders had now passed my apartment and I could see them now crawling onto my neighbor's back wall. I tensed myself, wondering how to warn my sleeping neighbors in the dead of night without myself getting killed. 

Then a loud sound burst out from my neighbor's room. 

It wasn't screaming. It wasn't crying. It was... laughter? From... two women? 

Two women having a loud, funny conversation at two in the freaking morning. Didn't seem to fit the picture of murder/rape.

I was now fully awake and able to go out of my apartment to investigate. I knocked on my neighbor's door, and sure enough, my two female neighbors opened it.

Apparently the Wi-Fi had died and they had taken it upon themselves to reset the apartment router, which sits on top of my back wall, at two in the freaking morning. They apologized profusely for waking me up and scaring me. 

I was pissed off. They had nearly given me a heart attack. But I've never been much of a fighter, so I smiled and tried to laugh it off. 

It was just some goofy-ass misunderstanding... Right? 

But... 

Ever since then, I've been restless. 

Every night since then, I've had nightmares about someone, or someTHING, watching me. Once, it was a group of orphans, sitting in my kitchen, looking up at me with crusty, empty eye sockets. Another time, it was a shadowy ghost looming over my bed. Each time, I wake up in real life and check outside my window if it was just my imagination. 

And in the morning, I'm never 100% sure that it was all just a dream. I feel like I'm still being watched.

And now I'm not so sure if these weird feelings are all because of that one incident, which already happened two weeks ago, or because of other things that happen in the day.

I'm entering my fifth month as the Municipal Health Officer of Nasipit, and things are ramping up. There are BIG decisions to be made. People looking up to me for guidance. So many questions that I do not have the answers to.

My predecessors, Adelle and Carol, left big shoes to fill. Adelle empowered the community through her many, many trainings, and formalized many processes through her written policies. Carol was the strong and steadfast captain of the ship through the worst parts of the Covid-19 pandemic. Every time I hear about the good work they did, from the staff or from patients, I am reminded that I am standing in the shadows of giants. 

Plus, we are at this critical juncture in government where a whole TANGLE of things are happening AT THE SAME TIME. Full devolution is here. The DOH will no longer hire nurses or midwives, and local governments now have to absorb the costs of hiring them.  The recently passed Mandanas-Garcia ruling means that local governments get more money, but different government agencies are competing for a slice of this pie, and how to divvy up the pie is entirely in the hands of the Municipal Mayor. We are now also living through a BBM government, and that is creating SO MUCH uncertainty. Locally, we have a new(ish) mayor from a political dynasty who took office just yesterday, creating even more uncertainty. 

This is a critical period for me. With this new set of local officials comes the possibility of winning his support in favor of socially just health reforms: Full implementation of the Magna Carta for Public Health Workers. Regularization of job-order health workers. Raising salaries and giving benefits for our Barangay Health Workers. Reforming the Local Health Board and re-activating the Interlocal Health Zone. Increasing the local budget on health to meet the national standard of 15% (which has never happened in Naspit before, btw). 

What could this legal mumbo jumbo mean for our healthcare workers? 

Livable wages. Security of tenure. Better job satisfaction. Increased quality of life. 

What could this mean for our community?

Quality health services that are CONSISTENTLY available at their nearest health centers, Monday to Friday. Continued vaccinations, pre-natal checkups, contraceptives, and medications. Regular screening and preventive care. Less sickness. Less visits to hospitals. More time for loved ones. Better quality of life. 

So you see, this is a critical period.

Not just for me. For everyone.

... But also in particular for me. Lol.

Because on top of all of THAT, it feels like EVERYONE has been asking me what my plans are for the imminent future. Be "absorbed" by Nasipit? Move to Rap's area in South Cotabato? Get married?? Have kids??? 

My parents, my relatives, my staff, heck, even the random people in the local government. All asking me to decide, decide, DECIDE already! 

Sadly, I don't have any concrete answers. I don't know where I am going. Not yet, at least.

But what I DO know is that I enjoy my job. I enjoy working in Nasipit. The people are very capable and supportive, and I feel that it is a fertile ground for good health systems reforms. I love working with the LGU. I love working with the Rural Health Unit. I love working with the barangays. I love the flexibility that this job brings. 

Plus, the work is NEVER boring. I can spend a day writing letters in the office, then suddenly have a handcuffed most-wanted criminal brought in by the police for a medical exam (that legit happened to me just last week). 

You know, I think I can be good at it. I know there is much to learn. There are plenty of mistakes to be made. I am so FAR from the perfect leader. BUT I have the humility to accept my limitations and ask for help when I need it, and I am blessed with intelligent and competent coworkers who are always willing to guide me. 

They make me want to be better.

They give me hope that I CAN be better.

And they instill in me the confidence to believe that I WILL be better...

And that is why I am restless.