help
I got the urge to blog when I came across this post on Facebook:
You are worth so much more than your productivity. Really? Because in med school, it certainly seems the opposite. You're measured by your grades. By the number of times you recite during group discussions. By the quality of the trans that you produce. By the number of circles you shade on exam sheets. If you don't measure up, you're left behind.
So if my worth really isn't measured by my productivity, what is it measured by?
That's the question I find myself asking. And I don't have an answer yet. But I began to think back to all the stuff that happened this week, like
*Transes is short for "transcriptions," which are basically lecture notes.
"You are worth so much morethan your productivity."—Nicole Em, Anti-capitalist Love Notes artwork by mogiroba
Posted by The Artidote on Thursday, August 13, 2015
It kind of sucks to be in med school. Sometimes I feel like my worth is measured by the number of transes* I've read, or the number of times I've read the transes (IT'S ALWAYS ONCE. I can't discipline myself well enough to give each trans THREE reads, like most people.) Worse, I feel bad that I don't read textbooks. And on tonight, I feel particularly bad that I've only finished reading ONE trans, and I haven't even gotten most of that information memorized yet. Yeah, not feeling too proud of myself.
You are worth so much more than your productivity. Really? Because in med school, it certainly seems the opposite. You're measured by your grades. By the number of times you recite during group discussions. By the quality of the trans that you produce. By the number of circles you shade on exam sheets. If you don't measure up, you're left behind.
So if my worth really isn't measured by my productivity, what is it measured by?
That's the question I find myself asking. And I don't have an answer yet. But I began to think back to all the stuff that happened this week, like
- doing a fecal analysis for the first time (which was very, horribly disgusting, but I learned a lot)
- accidentally meeting up with friends at Danji (this Korean restaurant across the street)...
- ...and getting spontaneously pulled into a soundtrack brainstorming session for Mga Kwentong Tsubibo at LA's condo
- increasing my leg weights by 5 lbs at the gym
- listening to Dr. Fortun talk about a CSI-like case she handled for Legal Medicine
- writing my first prescription (a diet and exercise plan) for a patient
- practicing history taking in Tagalog with Rap at Krispy Kreme
- winging the ACSIS week exhibit
and it makes me remember that
- I am not alone. I have friends, classmates who are in this journey with me, and I can always count on them for support.
- I get stronger and stronger each day.
- Studying medicine is a privilege, not a burden.
On that last point, the ASMPH Scholarship Committee has renewed my scholarship for this year, which, I guess, means that they still believe that I'm worth something to the school. Remembering this fact now places my struggle in a different light. The privilege to be here, to be an ASMPH student, was something I once dreamed about. And now this dream is a reality, I feel ashamed for thinking about med school as a cross I must carry.
But it is. And I'm still stumbling to the finish line.
Hi, Aimee! I sometimes get that feeling too hehe, especially this week and last week. But I always believe that we all have different rates of progress, and that the most important thing is not winning the race, but reaching the finish line. We'll all get there. :) Kapit lang!
ReplyDeleteall you can do is just keep on keepin' on :)
ReplyDelete... That's not very useful advice, Anon :))
DeleteAn occasional nature trip can help. A lonely beach or mountaintop, where one can view things from a distance. Helps one sort things out and calms the soul.
ReplyDelete